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Name: Maggie
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Sunday, November 08, 2009

跌蕩的一星期

剛過去的一星期,重回久別了辦公室。心情起伏大得叫我發瘋,很想放棄,放棄所有。

2Nov(Mon0

Feb 2,2008.我收了第一束花

21個月後的今天,想不到他來接我放學。更猜不到的是,他送了一束百合和玫瑰^^

IMG_7065 P02-11-09_21.48 是否

很窩心,很感動。這份支持和細心,無言感激^^

 

3Nov-6Nov (Tue to Fri)

接踵而來的工作,快把我迫瘋了。人也變得過敏,看了他blog的一篇文章,胡思亂想,也誤會了他。好友說得對,我想得太遠太多了。是對自己太沒信心吧。

 

老公,對不起。你說得對,總不能只有你做我的避風塘,做我的支柱。你也有大壓力和軟弱的時候,但身為你女友的我,不僅不能為你分憂,反而要你因我糟透了的心情難過心痛。。。3月時為你做的video內的話,我會努力做到!!請你原諒這個不合格的女友吧。

 

同時感激你的諒解和安慰。你的一個擁抱,一句三個字的話,心足了^^你說你會記得我答應你的事,我也一樣啊^^

 

Thanks to all my friends who have been so caring and loving and thoughtful since my fall. 你們的支持和關心,把我從懸崖拉回來了。

 

希望下星期的我能堅強些吧~~要努力!!!

 


Friday, November 06, 2009

WTH!!!!!!!

I simply hate it hate it & hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When can I put an end to it???

Do not waste my time and the resources on this Earth.

JUST STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPP OR END IT.

><

I NEED A CLIFF.

A sea will also do.


??!!XZNBAY::KO&*#@(*@&#(

I FEEL SO ANNOYED RIGHT NOW

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So tired of living and existing. Just wanna end mine and leave everything behind.

what's the point of dragging on? I can see nothing ahead of me.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

I WANT AN OUTBURST!!!!


Thursday, November 05, 2009

End? Start?

Time: 06 November 2009 (Friday). 00:30

Turbulence. Swing. Irritation.

First of all, I would like to extend my gratitude to those who have asked me about my conditions upon my return to work, via by phone, sms, msn or whatever the medium.

Sarah, Kaisy, Dai Lo Ming etc. The list is too not exhaustive :P

Well, I do not know. Seems fine, but maybe not.

The bottle has been emptied, yet I do not even have the flimsy knowledge of how deep and wide it can be. God knows when it will break and explode again.

And though I am grateful for what somebody has done for me, I just could not help it.

I know myself better now. I am not a tolerant girl, but a possessive one. I am not a caring girl, but a selfish one. Janus-faced, you know.

Things done cannot be undone. What's the meaning of 'past'? How does it impact our present and our future?

雙方似並行直線 從角叉角度相遇
曾經交錯但離去後不會再遇
就算再遇卻怎麼 時地已過

時機走過勒不住

大方包容,nothing more than theoretical. I cannot control that mind, but I can choose my path. To go or to stay. I am not in a passive position.

Endure the pain. "忍"一字,不就是在心上插一刀嗎? Nonetheless there is always a limit, and this is no exception. When it reaches a point that irritates you crazily, it flags a signal: let go. 全然放下。放手,需要多一點的學習和時間。

23rd...it may be the full stop. It may be not.

God knows. Everything is fragile. Too many incredibly ridiculous stories in this world. So who cares if there is one more?

 


Sunday, November 01, 2009

Contradiction

Voice A: It is time to return to work and resume her normal life. 3 months already, after all.

Voice B: Is she really ready for that? Will there be another breaking point for her?

Voice A: You have to let her try. You can't ground her with this 'not ready' excuse for good.

Voice B: Yet I could still sense the uncertainty, fear and loss of direction deep down inside of her.

Voice A: The dark fears the light. She has been in the dark for so long. We have to let light shine on her life again.

Voice B: Wouldn't it be good if she can just run away? Let go of it.

Voice A: It has taken her so long to endure the agony of the journey. Now the light is just a step ahead, why not just let her take that crucial step?

Voice B: What if she trips over? It will not be that easy for her to stand tall if she falls again.

Voice A: What if she can make it? If you never let her try, you would never know the results. Be the results positive or negative, she has no regrets.

Voice B: ... I don't know... neither does she.

Voice A: The little girl inside of her is really looking forward to the return, which is so remarkable.

Voice B: But the little girl also fears what that 'remarkable return' means to her, in both the short run and the long run.

Voice A: Why always tend to assume the worst is lying ahead. We are HOPING for the BEST and PREPARING for the WORST. PURE PREPARATION. The situation may not be that undesirable.

Voice B: She has a wealth of internal energy and resources, but you know how forgetful she is...

Voice A: Just remind her how far she has gone since graduation. Recall how much she has achieved with her very own hands so far.

Voice B: You can't change a personality trait overnight.

Voice A: Well, I am not talking about changing her into a very positive girl OVERNIGHT. It is another journey.

Voice B: Gee. a journey again? The one she has just gone through is already very exhausting to her.

Voice A: Life itself is already a journey. Now that she has passed one of the hardest parts of it, it is time she embarked on another one.

Voice B: Where is the path heading to?

Voice A: I don't know. No one knows actually. Uncertainty brings not only fear, but also hope. Buddy, trust me, she is strong enough.

Voice B: Is she?

Voice A: Isn't she? Just give all our confidence to her. She needs it.

Voice B: She is trembling.

Voice A: Well, the transition can be a challenging one, but she has won so many challenges in her life already? It proves that she has got the knack.

Voice B: Wouldn't it be wonderful if time could go more slowly.

Voice A: Time is fair to all. We can't stall forever.

Voice B: Okay, let's keep our fingers crossed for her. Her next attachment is gonna be a tough one, and the fate of her MT programme is yet to be decided.

Voice A: Well, just focus on the controllable. Why lose sleep over the uncontrollable? Do not let the uncontrollable interfere any longer.

Voice B: Let's make it then.

****************************************************************************

What an internal struggle. Eyes are supposed to look forward and arms are born to embrace the future.

Girl, remember the positivity deep inside of you. Let it surface and let it prevail. Defeat the devil. The Lord is always there to listen, console and help. 



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